Why “Sexting” Just isn’t Romantic!
“On my way, c u soon, call me, have a good day,” etc. – these are the text messages I like to send and receive, which are quick and to the point. My texts serve a specific purpose to effectively send a pithy message. Other single people these days don’t always use texting to send quick notes. Instead, they have resorted to texting as an often-degenerate serenade or a seduction method. This doesn’t make sense. We are one of the most complex organisms on the planet whose mating rituals are equally as complex, since when did it become sexy or even appropriate to woo your love interest with a “sext”?
This “sexting”, emailing, chatting and other communicating that uses technology is also being done through what is really cold media. Cold media isn’t really sexy and certainly doesn’t involve anything sensual yet it has found its way into our modern courtship and social rituals – and even our real-time social interactions where it has become a disruption or distraction. For example, I went on a date with this woman once, and the entire time we sat at the bar – even through our talking and beer drinking – she had her Blue Tooth device shoved in her ear. It’s eight o’clock at night, is an important call really coming in? I soon left … alone!
I also recently met a group of friends out at a new social nightclub on a busy Friday night. There were lots of people, loud music, lights and drinks, and I wanted to take a picture of the scene. I noticed over half of the people in the club were on their phones, texting, trying to call someone, reading a text, posting to Facebook, or Twittering.
This was an interesting scene. Why can’t we just enjoy who we are with, and the time we are having together in the actual room without multitasking all of the time? It’s as if we need to prove to others that we are out and about. Remember when a cell phone was purchased to use just in case of an emergency? When did Tina’s short skirt become an emergency and need to be shared with your “friends” and the world immediately?
Now I understand it can be fun to text and post things; I just think it has gotten a little out of hand, especially when it comes to dating. Ninety percent of communication is non-verbal, this is only applied when you are speaking in front of someone. You can read their gestures, tone and body language. Have you ever miss communicated or misunderstood someone completely from a text, and it caused an argument – an argument that could have been avoided with a face-to-face discussion or even a simple phone call to have some actual voice-on-voice interaction? It is frustrating when someone wants to carry on a conversation via text. Just call me unless it is simple and quick!
Now if you are just trying to “hook up” with someone then I suppose “sexting” is best, straight to the point, and that’s all you get. But if you are dating someone and trying to get to know him or her and show him or her your personality, it’s more easily accomplished in person. Maybe that’s what people are afraid of – a real personal connection. Maybe the way a person texts is more appealing than a live conversation. A text certainly makes rejection more palatable or does it? You now can read and reread your rejection over and over again. And keep in mind, there are just some things that should never be put in the form of a text or email – and a major breakup is one of them.
In my new book, Mr. Date Night – A Recipe for the Perfect Date, in chapter nine, I spoke about the type of woman who seems to always be so busy, always on her phone – texting while on a date with you! RED FLAG, not to mention it is annoying and disrespectful. “I have to answer this text, or I have to take this, or OMG!” YEAH – OMG is right! A mobile device is for your own convenience not for others to contact you whenever, or for you to post mundane outings, gossip or “sexts” to your love interest.
C A R Y F A R L E Y 