Why “Sexting” Just isn’t Romantic!
“On my way, c u soon, call me, have a good day,” etc. – these are the text messages I like to send and receive, which are quick and to the point. My texts serve a specific purpose to effectively send a pithy message. Other single people these days don’t always use texting to send quick notes. Instead, they have resorted to texting as an often-degenerate serenade or a seduction method. This doesn’t make sense. We are one of the most complex organisms on the planet whose mating rituals are equally as complex, since when did it become sexy or even appropriate to woo your love interest with a “sext”?
This “sexting”, emailing, chatting and other communicating that uses technology is also being done through what is really cold media. Cold media isn’t really sexy and certainly doesn’t involve anything sensual yet it has found its way into our modern courtship and social rituals – and even our real-time social interactions where it has become a disruption or distraction. For example, I went on a date with this woman once, and the entire time we sat at the bar – even through our talking and beer drinking – she had her Blue Tooth device shoved in her ear. It’s eight o’clock at night, is an important call really coming in? I soon left … alone!
I also recently met a group of friends out at a new social nightclub on a busy Friday night. There were lots of people, loud music, lights and drinks, and I wanted to take a picture of the scene. I noticed over half of the people in the club were on their phones, texting, trying to call someone, reading a text, posting to Facebook, or Twittering.
This was an interesting scene. Why can’t we just enjoy who we are with, and the time we are having together in the actual room without multitasking all of the time? It’s as if we need to prove to others that we are out and about. Remember when a cell phone was purchased to use just in case of an emergency? When did Tina’s short skirt become an emergency and need to be shared with your “friends” and the world immediately?
Now I understand it can be fun to text and post things; I just think it has gotten a little out of hand, especially when it comes to dating. Ninety percent of communication is non-verbal, this is only applied when you are speaking in front of someone. You can read their gestures, tone and body language. Have you ever miss communicated or misunderstood someone completely from a text, and it caused an argument – an argument that could have been avoided with a face-to-face discussion or even a simple phone call to have some actual voice-on-voice interaction? It is frustrating when someone wants to carry on a conversation via text. Just call me unless it is simple and quick!
Now if you are just trying to “hook up” with someone then I suppose “sexting” is best, straight to the point, and that’s all you get. But if you are dating someone and trying to get to know him or her and show him or her your personality, it’s more easily accomplished in person. Maybe that’s what people are afraid of – a real personal connection. Maybe the way a person texts is more appealing than a live conversation. A text certainly makes rejection more palatable or does it? You now can read and reread your rejection over and over again. And keep in mind, there are just some things that should never be put in the form of a text or email – and a major breakup is one of them.
In my new book, Mr. Date Night – A Recipe for the Perfect Date, in chapter nine, I spoke about the type of woman who seems to always be so busy, always on her phone – texting while on a date with you! RED FLAG, not to mention it is annoying and disrespectful. “I have to answer this text, or I have to take this, or OMG!” YEAH – OMG is right! A mobile device is for your own convenience not for others to contact you whenever, or for you to post mundane outings, gossip or “sexts” to your love interest.
Book Review: “Mr. Date Night” – Cary Farley Critiqulous.com
There is not much that I, a young twenty two year old woman, can gain from a dating book primarily aimed at men. However, I was compelled to read Cary Farley’s Date Night out of curiosity. Having mostly ever been on basic dinner-and-movie dates, I was interested in finding out what kind of advice men are getting to help them in the dating world, and I thought adding a woman’s perspective to the advice given by Mr. Farley may also be beneficial to any male readers seeking further guidance.
Mr. Farley has three things to offer with his book; numerous date ideas for men to try on women, a cooking recipe to accompany each date, and a CD of his own guitar music, entitled “Unwind.” Being a woman who is not too fond of (or too familiar with) cooking, I thought it was refreshing to see a book suggesting so many recipes for men to try for their ladies. However, upon further reading, I was less impressed with Mr. Farley’s take on dating.
While it is said more than a few times throughout the book that the date idea can be used by both men and women, it is still obvious that the book is aimed primarily at men, and what “fascinating” ideas men are being given by this book. In short, what I mostly got from the book was this; cook this for the lady if she’s a “Vanilla Girl,” cook her this if you wanna get her bed, DON’T cook her this or she’ll think you’re going to propose and will have a Holy Conniption if there is no ring, cook her this if you’re not planning to commit, and cook her this Mac and Cheese if you’re dumping her.
I, as a woman, could not help being at least a little offended by Mr. Farley’s view of me. He seems to be under the impression that a woman can be fooled into liking (or sleeping with) a man based on the front they put up on these dates. Furthermore, I couldn’t help but feel bad for the men who would follow some of this advice. When planning a date for a vegetarian woman, Mr. Farley gives us this piece of advice;
“In preparation for this date, I highly encourage you to remove any “flesh” from the freezer and fridge…..if she spots your meat (and not the kind you’re packing, ha, ha), she will spend the majority of the evening lecturing you and spewing common PETA phrases like “meat is murder.”
Mr. Farley makes similar claims when advising men who are about to date a “health nut.” His basic advice to these men is to completely clear their kitchen of any processed foods and unhealthy snacks that the Health Nut may spot.
Mr. Farley seems to think he has the female mind, no matter what catergory each falls into, pretty well figured out. However, I know that if I were to ask my significant other where our relationship was headed and he replied “Hawaii,” I would not be too excited over the travel plans to try to continue the conversation, as Mr. Farley seems to think I would be. Not to mention that even if that little ploy did work, a trip to Hawaii seems like an awful lot of work to get out of a simple discussion.
Although there is little to be said about the content of Mr. Farely’s book, I was very pleased with the music that came along with the book. His CD, appropriately called “Unwind,” is a guitar compilation of the music Mr. Farley is best known for. It was provided with the book to create a calming, peaceful atmosphere for whichever dates the reader chooses to try, and the mission has been accomplished; in my part time job as a Massage Therapist, Mr. Farley’s music is now my first choice to use during a session to help a client, you know, unwind.
I understand that Mr. Farley meant well by publishing a book full of dating advice in a world where people seem to rely primarily on the internet to do their dating for them, but if this is the advice he wants to give to the world, I would advise him to stick to wooing women with the music he does so well.
http://www.critiqulous.com/2011/07/book-review-mr-date-night-by-cary.html
An Interview with Cary Farley, author of Mr. Date Night by SF Book Review
…It can be simply used for entertaining, cooking a nice meal for your family or friends. You DON’T have to be single to use the book! Women seem to be interested. Feedback – clever, cute idea, although my mom informed me that it was a little racy.”
Read the entire interview @ http://www.sanfranciscobookreview.com/featured/a-recipe-for-the-perfect-date/
C A R Y F A R L E Y 